Ok, not 'once upon a time' as in a while ago, years ago or even a few weeks back but just now, moments ago in a comment to respond to a comment I made on his blog. I have loads on my mind right now and there's more to say but I think I'll just take the words and let them sink in for a while..(which means STFU)
A, thanks. I'd say I'm 17 years old, although some do think I'm a mature 16. haha.
A, your 44 years young. In today's world, 40 is the new 20. I could easily give you the advice "forget how you think, forget the past, start fresh, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST", and that would be good advice and I'm sure you've heard it already.
Rather than highlight philosophy, I'll give you an exercise. I do it all the time. "Face your Fears". When you start talking to yourself as a no fun adult and your going to do the responsible thing, don't.
Ask yourself, is this going to take me out of my comfort zone? If yes, DO IT. What's the worst that can happen? I'll make a fool of myself?
If you want to have fun and live life to the fullest, it's just a matter of choice. Behave the way you WANT to, don't worry about others or whether this person will like me or not?
Never look for a relationship or force it. Be yourself and it will happen naturally.
Given the same circumstance that you find yourself in, another person with a different attitude and courage to "open themselves up" can take your life to a different level and make your life seem exhilarating
From 40 - 60yrs old you are still young. After 60, your health can be iffy. (sorry mom and dad). So you have 20 years of fun living. Right now it sounds that you don't have much baggage to deal with; husband/wife(if you swing that way) or kids.
You know how fast time went by from 20 - 40 years old, and I'm told it even goes faster from 40 - 60 years old. You don't have any time time wait and think. In fact, you need to "think less" and be more of a "free spirit". I've never went wrong taking myself out of my comfort zone or not care what others think. It's a great way to "weed out" who your true friends are.
Sorry for the long reply, but I felt compelled. From what I know of you through our high touch internet contact (haha) you seem like a really great person. I can tell and I think I'm a good judge of character.
You seem like you have a lot going for you. You seem smart, have a good sense of humour, want to better yourself and your not handicapped. All great traits.
It pains me when I hear about someone not "feeling it". But unfortunately I also know that my words can't change things, only your state of mind can.
Some advice my mother gave me was "you can do anything you set your mind to". It's advice that has never let me down.
Adena, what you want is in you.
Cheering from the sidelines,
Wow, that is all I got.