two steps forward...

new tri bike??

Time is passing by so fast these days.. For the last few weeks things have been busy and quiet at the same time. It takes all my energy to get to work and home again, nevermind cook something healthy or train. I won't bore you with the gory details, there is too much to say and it doesn't matter how many times I try to write it out for myself the words feel meaningless and this is a triathlon training blog afterall. I know I need to get back at it but am waiting for the breath to do it... I have been waiting. In the past this would have been the slippery slope to hell, give it all up and say fuck it. Trust me there has been a lot of 'fuck it' and 'who cares anyway' these last weeks but now, what I have learned over the last year, I knew I just needed to give myself some time, just wait and a spark would come back. I wish I were the type of person, you know, the kind they make after school special movies about, the kind that would take this tragedy and turn it upside down, do something spectacular on the heels of this but I am not made up of the stuff of an after school special. I can say that I have gone from crying over stupid things like my coffee cup is empty to more relevant crying over things like long distance commercials. Yesterday I got some loving ass kicking words from a good friend and then I connected with a girl who is new to triathlon and scared. Boy do I get that. We chatted for a brief time and as I was telling her 'no problem, you can totally do this' I felt it, the spark.

I have made some decisions about my training/racing season. I am getting back on the 'horse' but it will be a less social, more solo, take my time, type of schedule. I'm out for the 70.3 this year (Fran I'm still coming to Peterborough to cheer you on). I can't commit to the training hours required to complete the race, if the race were later in the year I would still consider it but July 10 is way too soon. I will do an Olympic distance at the Women's only in Kelso on Labour Day and I'm still 'in' for the half marthon in October. These feel doable, acheivable. I will do the half next year, there is always next year. I suspect there will be a few sprints this year as well leading up to the Olympic too, enough training and racing to keep progressing but not overwhelming.

I would like to do 'something' with my racing from a charitable perspective in Hunter's honour. We are still waiting on autopsy results to determine root cause of death but regardless of what we find out I know now that all my money will go to Sick Kids Hospital. I typically donate to causes like cancer (obviously), humane society etc but I have been touched directly by Sick Kids. To sit with the staff and watch them work tirelessly on my niece, remaining calm and professional while at the same time being so unbelievable compassionate to me and my family moves me beyond tears. These people, especially Hunter's nurses Lori and Bev deserve a medal, a parade, a huge raise, something, anything. They didn't give us false hope yet they didn't let us give up hoping. They let us come to the conclusions in our own time, they listened, the provided insight, they laughed with us, they cried with us and the night nurse Lori even brought me her iphone charger from home on a break so I could stay in touch with family. So you'll all forgive me, any money I would have donated to other causes this year will be going to Sick Kids in Hunter's name. I need to investigate how/if I can incorporate this with my racing as well. If you have any ideas please let me know.

So now I'm on a hunt for a new bike helmet, I hear Saturday is going to be sunny so I will be doing something, I'd LOVE a bike ride along the lake in the sunshine. Sunday we are having a crossing over ceremony for Hunter and I'm looking forward to sitting in circle with my sister and family.

that's all I got...