whoops, I did it again.. no really, I DID

image borrowed from lolcats

Yup, I did it again on Friday night. I was coming home late (8:30pm) from work I was walking up the stairs at the GO station heading for the parking lot. It was late, I was hungry and tired and clearly not paying attention. I started up the stairs, my foot hit the step instead of stepping on it and down I went, AGAIN. No real injuries, I bruised my shin and knee pretty good but there wasn't any blood and the people in the stairwell with me stopped to see if I was ok and of course I said I was fine. I hobbled with my bad ankle and now hurting shin and knee I almost started to cry on my way to my car out of frustration and pain and embarrassment, oh yea and frustration. I got home, gave up and went to bed. 

Saturday my ankle was feeling sore so I took it easy. I ran a few errands but nothing out of the ordinary. Then, I woke up on Sunday and it was really sore and seemed to be swelling, maybe I was just paying more attention, I'm not sure. WTF? I met my mom for brunch to celebrate her birthday, which is actually today, she's 70, how the heck did that happen, Happy Birthday MOM! After lunch she wanted me to go to Zellers with her but I declined in favour of going home and putting my foot up. I woke up this morning and it's even worse, I must be doing jumping jacks in my sleep or something and now I am back to limping my way from the GO train to the office.

As I limped along I heard my favourite running song. You know the one, the one you crank up to eleven cause it gets you fired up no matter when it starts to play on your playlist, even if it's at the end of your run. This one makes me want to stop and boogie as it ramps up to my favourite part of the song but that would look really silly so I just run faster… I'd link the youtube version of the song for you but the ones I found online are not nearly as good as the version on my iPod…

What would you do, if you woke up tomorrow,
half your life had slipped away?
Where we running? I wanna know who's winning,
what is this price we all have to pay?
Where is the finish? What does it cost…
(not the end of the lyric but I don't have a clue what he's saying next)
~~~~~~~Human Race by Darius Lux
incidentally he also sings my second favourite running song called Hey You...

I was completely bummed to hear the song because I love it and even though I have been known to skip a workout or two not working out at all really really sucks. (did I just say that?). I think I have my eczema problem mostly sorted out so perhaps I can get into the pool with a pool buoy (or is that a pull buoy) so I don’t have to kick my feet and do some laps. That might help my disposition.  Despite the fact that I've lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks which is amazing for me, at the moment I’m completely bummed out. Completely.. :-( 

I could not find a suitable photo of a swollen ankle or a broken leg or someone sad and miserable to I stole John's lolcats idea and this one actually made me giggle which is no small feat today.

That's all I got...

downgrade? upgrade?

my buddy Tavish...

I've downgraded (or upgraded) my ankle condition from 'friggin' ouch' to 'tender'. The swelling is nearly gone and I've gone from limping to walking slowly, yay! I'm sure in a few days I'll be right as rain. Not knowing how bad the ankle was (and I'm still not certain) I was looking into water running info. I commented on Beth's blog and awesome woman that she is despite all the fart talk, she emailed me an article she has written about it.  She has been water running for quite some time due to an injury and I think she may qualify for the Olympic water running team now or something.  I thought I'd share, it's good info to have. Oh and if you don't follow her already you really should because she is really funny in all the most inappropriate ways and informative and she even ran with Dean K, not that she talks about that a lot.

Fran and I are anxiously awaiting registration to open up for Peterborough half iron. We have been talking about it for ages now and we've firmly agreed to this race. We did firmly agree didn't we Fran? Right? So we are going to get together, Fran is going to cook dinner, or maybe we'll order pizza because we never do that (haha) and we're going to make a night of it.  I think I'll need drinks and I'm going to wear my depends because I might actually pee my pants when I press the REGISTER button.  

In racing news I won't be ready for the Chilly half, no way I'm doing Around the Bay, I missed out on the Toronto half marathon but I might be able to get into the Mississauga half. Is anyone else doing this race? I can't decide if it would be smart to do a half marathon before my half iron.  In my case it might better to not know how much pain I could be in.  hmmmmm 

My half ironman training team through coach Nancy has a facebook page and all, thanks Daryl! We just confirmed our team name and they are ordering shirts. My dream is to order a shirt and then have it not fit me by race day. haha 

While TCoB didn't acknowledge my first ever triathlon completion they are asking for volunteers for the booth at a few events and my friend Jackie asked me specifically and I love Jackie and can't say no to her. Not only did she compete at Kona last year but she kicks Rodney's ass in the pool every week and I truly love her for that. I will be handing out water for coach Nancy at the Chilly half and then helping out TcoB at the tri-fair on Apr 2.   It might not be a bad idea to be a little more involved in the club. 



the chill chair

In other news, my awesome friend Sheelagh came to visit me last weekend, she brought her awesome dog Tavish and 'the chill chair'. The chair looks very interesting doesn't it? She gave me a relaxing massage, I'm sure there is an official name for what she did but oh my god it was HEAVEN! I need to bribe her to come visit me every week! Incidentally she also makes my favourite body creams too. My favourite is Coffeehouse, it smells SO yummy!! 

In case you missed it:   go check out Mandy's weekly Monday post, Muttley Monday, and Jason's weekly Thursday post, the Athlete's Plate and don't forget "what's his name's" weekly Friday post Weekly Ramblings. I take care of Wednesdays with my weekly so I was posts but we are still looking for a candidate for a weekly Tuesday post to add to our list. If you post something unique on Tuesdays (or want to) please let one of us know.

That's all I got.

so I was...

grateful for all the kind comments on my wipeout post yesterday, I was also grateful for the funny comments, you guys are too much!!   

at the doctor's office today to see about my gimp ankle.  Ankle is definitely sprained, there's an awesome goose egg on it.  I also had him check out my ezcema which is terrible this year. No working out, not even pool time til I sort myself out, I'm a hot mess.

Laughing at my boss yesterday offering to piggy back me to the GO station.  

Timing my walk to the GO station, it normally takes 7 or 8 minutes, last night it took almost 20.  

Craving Thai food, I think I am always craving Thai food.

Wishing I lived in a bungalow.
  
Excited when I realized that tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary of quitting smoking.  SIX months, how did that happen?  

Wondering how long til I can work out again, maybe by the weekend I can be back in the pool at least, that would be nice.   

Catching up on some online banking, my life is super exciting!

Also catching up on my blog reading, feels like it's been forever since I read anything but I'm sure it was just yesterday.   

Happy to see that I lost a few pounds last week, yes you read that right, 'a few', woot!  I am not posting stats just yet, don't want to jinx it.... phew!!  Now I need to be extra diligent.

Enjoying a Perrier lemon, I wanted something fizzy and am trying to stay away from diet soda. 

Writing a short letter to a friend, well I've already written it, now I need to 'mail' the bloody thing.  

Thinking that my dishwasher is so loud it sounds like there is a plane taking off in my kitchen.

Shredding  some old paperwork, I'm trying to do that 15 minutes a day because I'm buried under papers.. not 'hoarders' buried but buried none the less.

Trying to remember what I have on this weekend, I thought there was something..   

Wishing I had brought my work laptop home with me yesterday, I could be working right now (and making some cash).   

Hoping you find this video of people falling funny, too bad there wasn't video of my wipeout but I assure you, it was no where near this spectacular... 



That's all I got... 

Fall down, go boom.....

It's no secret that I'm a clutz. If there is somewhere to fall I will, even if there is NO reason to fall, I'll do it anyway. It's one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place, so I would have somewhere to document my injuries. In my old house I routinely fell down the basement stairs, many times per year, sober or after a few drinks, it didn’t matter. Sometimes I fell because I was in a hurry which was my own fault but other times just walking down the stairs I'd trip on nothing and down I'd go.  The worst was when I'd fall while carrying things down the stairs, usually a basket of laundry so at least it made my landing a little softer. Continuing that trend I have taken tumbles on the stairs at my current house. I'm an equal oportunity faller, I fall at my house, your house, in the mall, on the streets, like I said, anywhere. It's been well documented in this blog that I fall off my bike, ALOT, rarely when it's moving and of course I have fallen down while running.. No reason, I just fell down.

This morning I walked out of the GO station turned the corner and started walking along the sidewalk beside the gym, wandering along minding my own business. I don't walk slow but I don't race. In fact as I was walking I was thinking about how the weather had really warmed up and I could probably go for a wussy run, I say wussy because I don't run outside in the freezing cold… and boom out of nowhere, down I went. I felt my right ankle roll and couldn't do a damn thing to break my fall, before I knew it I was sprawled out on the sidewalk in the mud!! About 10 women helped me up and it must have been quite the fall considering how many people stopped to ask if I was ok. I was disappointed that no one gave me a rating though, my friends would have all stood there and laughed at me and rated it! I am going to give it a 9.0 based on how much mud I was covered in not to mention the fact that I couldn't get up and run away immediately. 

I stood there for a minute to catch my breath and started to walk towards the office, realized the best I could muster was a hobble so I hobbled to the offfice. At first it was really painful and I had to stop a few times but after a couple of minutes it felt a bit better. It was a SLOW hobble/limp to the office. I arrived and my co-workers were quite impressed with the amount of mud on my jacket and pants (and I believe my ass). I was hoping I could just sit for a bit to rest my foot and see what was going to happen but no, I had a meeting in another building so I left 10 minutes early to get here in time. Once here my co-worker and I assessed the damage, pulled up my pantleg and yup, my ankle is twice the size of the other one. 

So, I'm waiting a bit to see what happens, I have a drawer full of ibuprofen back at my desk which I will take if I need to and I'm not sure but there may be ice in a first aid kit around here somewhere. If nothing else I can go across the street to the Rabba store and get a bag of frozen peas. I can't do that til I'm out of this meeting though. It hurts, but what's worse, I am dying for a coffee!!! 

And how is your day??

That's all I got... that better be all!!

**Update, I have the BEST co-workers!  One just came back to the meeting room with a bag full o'snow because we don't have icepacks  AND she brought me a coffee..

one of these things is not like the other...

Alright ya show offs. Ok so everyone knows Big Daddy Diesel's name, everyone except me. It's ok, I don't mind. We are even facebook friends and I STILL don't know his name. But you can all be in your 'we know Big Daddy Diesel's name' club.. I didn't wanna join it anyway. Nah nah nah 

In shocking news (not so much) I did not make the 5:30am swim today. Did ya want to hear the excuse?  Didn't think so.

To aid my tormented tush I went to MEC at lunch looking for cycling pants. There wasn't a lot of selection but this did not stop me from spending money on OTHER things. The cycling pants I bought (Descente) are capris, in hindsight that may not have been smart but I was feeling cold when I bought them and they looked warmer than shorts. I will be testing them INSIDE tonight and me and my ass will get back to you on how I like them. I need to invest in some good bras. I love my Enell but I don't need all the support of the Enell while riding on the trainer . Are you loving the boob and tush talk right now? There is a lot of TMI talk going on around here lately.  I bought some arm warmers as well, I may wear them as regular clothes, not just for training. 

I got some good feedback on my foot issues yesterday, thank you!! Both people had the same diagnosis, Morton's Neroma.

I've missed my workout last night but I have two doubles on the books this weekend to keep me on track. Saturday is spin and weights, Sunday is swim and run. I'm happy to report that my eating has been perfect! I feel like I’m stepping into the zone and my god it's about time right. I read this post and while it depressed the hell out of me it's all true and the truth hurts. I have printed it out and will put it up on the fridge for constant reminder. If that doesn't work I may pay Bryan to come to my house and yell 'fat ass' directly at me. I probably wouldn't have to pay John. Haha! I'm kidding!  he'd totally make me pay, he's a bit of a bastard like that..  no seriously though, my pants are feeling looser and I'm feeling better.  

I found a new website because that is JUST what I need, another website but this one looks like it has a lot of potential. Endurance Athlete Project. I see alot of you are already there, maybe you could start a group called 'we know BDD's real name and you don't'.  I digress, this site could be the one stop shop for all things triathlon for me and I'm excited to see how things progress there. I was chatting with Patrick  (I know HIS name) and they may be setting up a training log feature which would be great. Right now I'm not tracking workouts anywhere despite the fact that I've registered at about 20 other websites (daily burn, daily mile, mapmyrun etc) where I could track them, I just don't. I should though.

And that's all I got.

So I was...

downtown yesterday @ Sgt Russell's funeral

Wondering why the ball of my foot and my toes fall asleep whenever I'm running or cycling. I've tried loosening / tightening the laces but it happens every time.




Contemplating how long you have to know Big Daddy Diesel before you get to know his real first name.. Speaking of BDD..

Noticing that some of the girls in the office have a copy of Big Daddy Diesel's New Years post taped up at their desks. He's inspiring the Canadian ladies to kick some ass this year.

Thinking I might be addicted to avocados. Never liked them before but now I don’t want to eat salad without it.

Trying to tweet less.. just cause. I'm not being very successful but I'm trying.

Purchasing better cycling pants because my butt is offended at the hour long trainer rides and they are just going to get longer.

Listening to the Heidi and Frank show. Toilet humour at it's best. I used to listen to Howard Stern and loved him but when he went to satellite I found Heidi and Frank and haven't looked back.

Laughing at my boss wandering from cubicle to cubicle doing squats as he makes his way to the kitchen to refill his water bottle and then doing walking lunges back down the aisle to his desk.

Missing a few bloggers who have disappeared or aren't posting as much. Matty and Quinton especially. I suspect Matty is out plowing snow but hope all is well with Quinton and his family.

Searching for my Garmin HR chest strap, do I lose everything? Yes, yes I believe I do.

Scared to get on the scale but I did anyway.  I didn’t look, I made Janicke look for me.

Making a mess.

Slightly concerned that the MEC store is less than a 5 minute walk from my office.

Counting the days til I can have a frosty cold beer or a glass of red wine.

Leaving my attitude at the door. I'm not thinking, I'm doing!


Laughing (I can do laughing twice, I can do it as many times as I want) at the video John posted of him being supportive to his lovely wife. 

That's all I got...

at a medium pace...

I'd rather be here

Well it looks like the mojo train may have done a drive by. Yesterday was perfect eating, let me say that again yesterday was PERFECT eating AND, wait for it, A WORKOUT!! I had intended to go to a spin class but I didn't end up going so instead I put on my bike shorts, my cycling shoes and did a solid hour on the trainer. I was sweating and out of breath by the end of it, see MOJO. Nice! I found that if I put my headphones on and my music really loud I was more motivated to go hard and for the first time on a trainer ride I really got into a zone. This may be the ticket for me for indoor riding. I'm still thinking about moving the trainer to the basement just from a noise perspective. I am trying to be very concious of my neighbours and don't want to cause undo noise for them if they are trying to enjoy their evening. Our walls are concrete and we don’t hear much but it's the floor vibrating that worries me the most. Of course I'm clearly less concerned (drunk) whenever Mike and Dede come by and we are all singing Adam Sandler songs at 3am but I haven't done that in quite some time. I like to surprise them with that stuff, keep them guessing, you know.

I got an interesting email last night from a guy at a website called www.teachstreet.com/ telling me that one of my readers had recommended me to be a featured blogger on their site. They checked out the blog and said they would like to 'feature my work'. In the interest of whoring out my blog as John so eloquently put it, I decided to try it so I added the badge code they sent me and I'll see how it goes. I find it funny that me and all my bad grammar will be linked by a 'teaching' site, nevermind that they are going to put me in the fitness section. Do you think they missed the part where I have stated repeatedly that I'm not athletic and I'm overweight? Shhhhh don't tell em! Do you think the students will think my tattoo is cool?? 


or here, here is good too

If you were the one that recommended me please let me know and thank you, unless I get a crapload of spam, then I'll have a whole slew of other types words for you. 

If anyone has any helpful advice about this featured blogger stuff please feel free to share.. You all are much more experienced at this than I am. 

That's all I got...

(crap, guess what song I can't get out of my head now)

you outta know..

my boyfriend, George

  I have been tagged to do a stylish blogger meme by my new friend Julie over at You Just Have to Tri.  She hasn't been following me too long or she'd know that I'm definitely not stylish at all so this could have gone very wrong.  I thoroughly enjoyed her abandon in posting stylish pics of herself, this is how I know we will get along.  Oh click the link, you know you wanna, I'll wait.  I like her sense of humour and she even posts some yummy recipes.  Thankfully for all our sakes I am not required to post any pictures of my non-stylish self, you all know that the picture that was snagged of me at Bryan's Kona party was the only pic that has been taken of me in many years.  


So, here are 7 things about me in no particular order:  

I love being Canadian and just about anything related to Canada especially poutine. Yes yes, let the jokes fly. I can't imagine living anywhere else and although I hate to travel I can always be talked into traveling somewhere in Canada. My favourite place to visit is the East coast because there is lots of great beer there.  That is also where my Great Aunt Helena lives so that means there are peanut butter chocolate chip cookies there, and molasses cookies and mustard pickles and fresh rolls with butter and on and on. I also love Canadian music, The Guess Who, Tragically Hip, April Wine, Barenaked Ladies, FM, Goddo, Alanis Morrisette, Anne Murray (shut up), Gordon Lightfoot, I Mother Earth, Our Lady Peace and the list goes ON and ON.  Yes, it's true I even love Nickelback. I've been obsessed with all things Rush lately purchasing two documentaries and a bunch of songs off iTunes as well as one of Neil Peart’s books.   

I’d rather be blind than deaf. I can’t imagine a world where I couldn’t listen to music or hear the crunch of the earth beneath your feet or a dog lapping up water from a bowl or someone whispering softly in your ear.  I'd miss the sights for sure but if I 'had' to choose, I'd rather be blind than deaf.

As you already know, Beth Hart is my favorite singer. Although our life experiences are different (thankfully), her voice, music and lyrics connect with me in a way like no other. If you want to hear my happy, listen to Beth, if you want to hear my pain, listen to Beth. I almost named my bike Beth but someone (who?) said I should name it after a boy, not a girl. I’m a bit sorry about that but I do love ‘George’ (named after Stroumboulopoulos, also Canadian). 

I can never spell “Stroumboulopoulos”, I always have to look it up and even after I look it up it still looks wrong. George, you should know that I won’t be changing my name after we are married.

I love dogs, I know HUGE shocker right. My preference is big dogs, the bigger the better.  No offense to people that have little dogs, little dogs are cute but gimme a big dog any day.  If I had my way I’d own a Weimaraner named Ice and a German Shorthaired Pointer named Little Sister and Great Dane named Tate.

I should definitely say something about training right. While I absolutely hate the process of training, the swims are boring, the runs just plain hurt and we all know how often I fall off the bike and while that is always funny it's generally not pleasant, the only reason I do it is because it feels SO good when it’s over. I’ve come to depend on that feeling.

I call my friends 'homey' but not because I think I'm from the 'hood' but thanks to my iPhone auto correct.  So if I call you homey, it only means I think very highly of you, I don't call just anyone homey.

I have to tag 5 people but since I'm late to the game and most people have already done this, if you haven't done it yet consider yourself tagged (coughFRANcough). 

That's all I got...

just what a fat girl needs...

Cakes and Ale, on my fridge.  Sweet delicious cakes and yummy beer mocking me daily. 

I kid, I kid. I managed to make it onto Ian's postcard mailing list which means I get a postcard from him once a month.  It's no secret I overtweet him and I think he's all kinds of awesome, but that's just because he is, so I was thrilled when he added me to his postcard list as a late, last minute addition.  I wasn't sure what to expect but was excited to receive my very first postcard from him this month.  I have no idea where he found such neat cards but I love it, it's so cool!!  I won't share the message with you, you'd have to get on the list but it was totally fun and he has excellent penmanship!  I promised to send him a card in return and the ideas are spinning but I can't talk about it here cause he occasionally reads my gibberish.

Speaking of my gibberish.  This blog has been a really fun (I'm saying fun alot today) endeavour for me but I'm no writer, I know this and I'm ok with it.  I think part of my 'charm' (shutup!  hahah) is that it's just me, bad grammar and all.  I try to tell a story as if I'm actually talking to you and in the end I really just want to make you laugh, with me, not AT me (john).  The other day I was checking my stats and alot of people end up on my blog by googling 'she said i need a goal', so, I googled it.  Imagine my surprise when I wound up on a quit smoking website which had copied my entire post from Jan 7, word for word.  They didn't advise me they were posting it or credit me at all.  I have to say that if my story about quitting smoking can help anyone then I'm more than happy to share but as a matter of etiquette shouldn't they at least tell me they are going to use it?  If they had emailed me saying they wanted to post it on the site I would have been beyond thrilled but this just left me feeling deflated and slightly violated.  I emailed them about it and haven't heard back.  I know by putting it out there on the net it's public and it's definitely not worth getting my knickers in a knot, I was just a bit surprised and disappointed. 

In other news, not much is going on with me.  I'm still looking for my mojo, it's here, then gone, then here, then gone.  I have a long swim to do this weekend, apparently I'm making up time or something silly and I have been told to swim 'with intensity'.  I will do some time on the trainer and get out and run too cause why do 1 sport when you can do three!  ah what the hell, may as well throw a strength session in there too. 

Have a great weekend! 

That's all I got....

So I was...

Blogging this "So I was" post on Wednesday because Jason said I must blog this every Wednesday and I can't say no to Jason.

Happy to hear that my Great Aunt Helena is doing just fine despite her slightly crappy circumstances.  She's a fighter and has a great attitude, I want to be just like her when I grow up.

Wondering what ingredients will make up my perfect salad. Everytime we order in for lunch I get something different and yet nothing is as yummy as the Longos Pear and Blue Cheese salad. That one goes best with a steak and some red wine on a Friday night. What time should I expect you?

Contemplating a trip to Alaska. I am enamoured of Alaska and am dying to get there for a vacation one day.  Too bad I hate to travel.

Craving hot and sour soup, super spicy.


Wishing I had more mojo to clean out my office at home. There are boxes and piles of things that need to be assessed, organized and/or purged. (using the word assessed made that sound more important and official than it really is.)

Thinking I will remedy this with a 15 minute challenge. I set a timer for 15 minutes, go in with a few garbage bags and throw out as much as I can before the alarm goes off. It won't get the job done but it will get me started, 15 minutes is a long time to spend throwing stuff out, trust me.

Listening to some tunes on my ipod which include (but are not limited to) Beth Hart, the Trews, Darius Lux, The Guess Who, Queen, Rush, Cheap Trick (thanks Scott) and Barry White. Oh shushy you, it's not like I make you listen to my weird playlists!

Enjoying getting back into the swing of things, I'm not there yet but I am headed in the right direction. I think wearing my Punk Rock racing shirt is helping.

Considering another tattoo, this one would be on my left shoulder/arm to offset the one on my left forearm. Suddenly my arm feels unfinished.  (can't believe I just said that) 

Laughing at my co-worker's daily 'ism's and her 'holy shit batman' evening emails. 

Writing an update to our process documents at work, I hate documentation. 

Searching for a funny or interesting postcard to mail out to a friend before month's end. 

Excited that the days are getting longer now, we are on the upswing folks.

Making Thai Honey Peanut Chicken for dinner this weekend.

Looking for SPD shoes on the net and ended up at the MEC site, ut oh, better hide my credit card.


Phoning my American friends and family because I finally got a cheap North American long distance plan. Now I just need to get my passport renewed so I can go see their faces in person and hear the sound of their laughter.

Predicting that waking up at 4am to be on the pool deck by 5:30am for my coached swim tomorrow morning is NOT looking good.

That's all I got...

Rumours..

it's ok, that's just money in his pocket

There was a rumour that John is going to build a bike for his amazing wife so they came by with a bag full o'stuff for measuring the Mrs on my bike. They arrived and we relaxed, chatted and ate some pizza. What else you gonna eat when John's around, it's been well documented that the man lives on pizza so who am I to complain.













Fran hopped on and John did the required measuring. My bike doesn't fit her (haahhah) but it was close enough to get the measurements they needed. John kept blurting out sentences much like a doctor during an exam, I wasn't quite sure if what he was saying was a problem or not. "Wow that is a big shanalanamara". I had moments where I felt poor George was not good enough, maybe George too was big and clunky like me but he's MY George and I think he's perfect.









Some things required even closer inspection but in the end it all worked out.

He even adjusted my seat because while I never found it comfortable it didn't occur to me that it was set at a very bad angle and that was the cause of my painful trainer rides, or at least one of the causes. I LOVE my new bike friends.












Even John hopped on for some racing action.

When all was said and done they had the measurements they needed, bellys full of pizza, my seat was adjusted and it was then I realized I am 80 because at 10:00pm on a Saturday night I was ready to go to sleep.  

I got my trainer ride in on Saturday before the Procs arrived however due to other issues I did not swim or run yesterday.

Spin class tonight, Mike is going to kill me.  I think I'll wear my Punk Rock Racing shirt so I feel extra badass.

That's all I got…

PS - Mrs. LoTC has a new blog, go stop by and give her some love.

I miss you...

Wow, it's been 5 months and 7 days since I quit smoking.  I believe this is the longest I have ever gone.

I smoked my first cigarette when I was 12, well I didn't 'smoke' it, I took a few drags and tried hard not to throw up. I wanted desperately to be cool and belong and from my viewpoint of the world smoking was my ticket. Considering how sick that first cigarette made me it's a wonder I kept at it but my desire to belong was strong, so what if I threw up.

By the time I was 14 I was buying my own packs of cigarettes with my allowance. I would hide them in my jacket pocket or stuff the pack in my sock as I made my way past my mom and dad, completely sure that they didn't know what I was up to. This isn't a post about how stupid I was back then, but suffice it to say, I was pretty stupid at 14 years old. Both my parents smoked, my sister smoked and I distinctly remember my grandmother having a single Cameo menthol cigarette every morning with her coffee. I would occasionally steal her smokes as well, thinking she wouldn't catch on either. Yes, I was dumb ok.

My sister could get me to do just about anything she wanted and pay me with smokes, or drags of smokes. She was 3 years older and than me and could smoke in the house, but I wasn't allowed to. Thankfully we spent most of our time in the basement so I could smoke pretty much anytime downstairs although hiding in my sisters room, smoking her cigarettes and listening to Peter Gabriel on her stereo was my favourite thing to do. If she wasn't home I pretty much lived in her room, she had the coolest records and it was the late 70's so there was alot of great music to listen to.

By 15 my mom had given up and let me smoke in the house. I had a part time job as a clerk at Consumers Distributing so I could afford to buy my own packs. I was free, no longer a slave to stealing/borrowing other peoples smokes or my sister's slave labour. From that time on cigarettes were always a part of my life, my best friend, a part of me. They were another limb, an appendage I was never EVER without. I loved my cigarettes. I loved the packs and how they smelled when you opened a fresh pack, how that first drag tasted and smelled. A cigarette with a coffee? Bliss! A cigarette with an alcoholic beverage, absolute heaven. I remember how panicked I would feel if I was running low on smokes and started buying them by the carton.

Over the years I tried to quit, but never really wanted to quit, hell I still don't want to be 'quit'. I quit once for about 4 months but all it took was a single drag while out drinking with friends and I was on the slippery slope. I KNEW I was on it and figured, screw it I may as well start again and so I did, really I spent months just looking for a good excuse. I was back to it, as bad or worse than before I had quit. My breathing was horribly laboured, I couldn't walk up stairs or down the street without my lungs burning. Still, I did not want to quit.  A part of me just assumed I would simply keel over one day from smoking. I thought about what my funeral would be like and hoped someone would remember to put a pack of smokes in my coffin so I could smoke in Heaven or wherever I ended up.  I also wanted my ipod buried with me too.

I did not die, obviously, and in 2007 I started working out on a more regular basis. I can promise you it's not easy to do a 60 minutes session with a trainer, bootcamp style and then run/walk on the treadmill or stepmill but I perservered. Even when I started this whole triathlon business I was still smoking. Of course my training was very laboured and the whole time I knew I would have to quit smoking but I put it off another day, another week. My race was in Sept and by May I knew that I needed to do something. It was too late to make any substantial training gains but maybe the 'burning lung' syndrome would go away or at least feel less painful. I would do 2 laps in the pool and my lungs were literally on FIRE. Normally when I make a deal with myself my follow through sucks, I just don't have any. I am a great joiner but I suck at follow through HOWEVER, I decided that I would quit on 'Monday' and if I started smoking again I would quit again on the following Monday and I would keep at this until I literally got sick of quitting and guess what..

It worked!!

Let's just say it took quite a few Mondays, some weeks I'd make it til noon on Monday and other weeks I'd go 6 days and start again on Sunday. By July 27 (which ironically enough is a Tuesday), I had had enough so my last cigarette was that Tuesday and I haven't picked it back up since then. This is not to say I've been perfect. I did smoke that 'woman's cigar' at the Kona party and I had a drag of a smoke two weeks ago but I have effectively been a non-smoker for 5 months, 7 days and some hours. I don't want to say I will never smoke again because that is likely not true but I really hope I don't. I still have incredibly intense cravings, today has been a bad day which is likely why I am writing about this right now, but thankfully the cravings come less often. About 6 times a day I think I might die if I don't smoke a cigarette immediately but I just try to ignore it and move on and then I don't think about it until the next craving hits.

I'm not sure why I've had success this time, this is the longest I have been quit since I started smoking regularly but I think training and wanting to be better has a lot to do with it. I know all of you at some point or another have offered support and kind words my way which help immensely. I still struggle, I have trouble being around smokers, not because I judge them but because I'm afraid I may tackle them for their smokes but overall this experience has been better. I am sad to say I was really looking forward to 'hocking up a puck or two of pghlem (sp?)' and feeling like I have more air when I'm training but there have been no pucks, no easy breathing. Don’t get me wrong, things are definitely better but I have been waiting for an epic difference in my breathing and so far, no epic. 

My nose runs more often.. Weird..

That's all I got...

fight.. fight.. fight...

snuggle up!!!

It's amazing how much time I waste arguing with myself. If I'd just shut up and do it, it, whatever 'it' is, would be done already. It can range anywhere from doing the dishes to gettting out of bed, to a training session. I'm equally ambivalent about anything that doesn't have to do with me just relaxing. Every morning I press the snooze an alarming (haha see what I did there) number of times before I finally drag my butt out of bed. I've been doing it for so many years it seems impossible for me to stop. Now this is not to say I don't make it work on time everyday and even when I'm running late I am arriving at the office before 8:30 yet every morning it's an argument with myself. Top that off with the fact that I intentionally have my clocks set ahead and I change it up so I'm never sure what time it really is.. Maybe I just like to do math every morning..

Alarm: beep beep beep
Me: jump out of bed, run across the room to turn it off, think to myself, OH MY GOD IT'S COLD IN HERE and leap back into bed, yes I LEAP back under the covers wondering what time it really is because while I know the clocks says it's 5:30am I know it's really somewhere between 10 and 30 minutes ahead. I also know alarms number 2, 3 AND 4 will go off soon. By alarm number 3 or 4 I'm sufficiently annoyed and awake enough to drag my butt downstairs to make a coffee.

I marvel at people that hear the alarm, get out of bed and stay out. I've seen people do it and some days they look tired but they keep their butts moving. I'm 45 now and unlikely to change but if I could change something about myself I'd like to be a non-snoozer.

When it comes to the dishes they get done every night before I go to bed, or most nights. The dishwasher is loaded and the other items are washed and drying on the counter and yet there's always an argument with myself as to 'when' I will do them. I make dinner and put the dishes on the counter. I think to myself 'you should just get those out of the way now' but I never do, or rarely do it immediately. I will putter around for a while, find other things to do and eventually make my way back to the kitchen and get them done. On the occasions where I don't do them at all and leave them in the sink how bad can it be, it's only me and it's generally one meals worth but why the 'self argument and bartering', it's just a time waster.

If I could change something else about myself I'd be an immediate dish washer.

I'm sure you can imagine how it goes for training sessions as well. Take my run the other night for example. All the way home, and remember I have an hour or so commute to discuss this with myself I talk myself OUT of my training plans. It ususally starts out by me thinking that I have too many chores to do and I will not do any training that night. Haha who the hell am I kidding? I'm doing chores? See the paragraph on dishes above.. As the commute continues I find 101 reasons NOT to train, well there's that phonecall I need to make, and I'm starving and really need to eat NOW and if I eat dinner now then I can't train on a full stomach. As I get nearer to home then I start with things like, ok, you know what, stop being such a loser, just get 10 minutes done, if you do 10 minutes and still want to quit then quit but at least do 10 minutes. By the time I got home I realized it's 'now or never', get changed and get out there, even if it's only for 10 minutes so I got dressed and headed out. With each passing minute I found reasons to turn back, on this particular day and run it was because I was freezing, not just cold but "holy shit what was I thinking" freezing but as the time passed I thought, 5 more minutes, you can do 5 more minutes. Honestly all this pre-talk and negotiating is exhausting and annoying!!

Screw it, I'd just like a new brain please!!!

That's all I got...

So I was.....



Happy Hump Day!!

Wondering if I'll ever get this running/layer thing right. Note to self, when you get home from work wearing a turtle neck, sweater and winter coat this does not mean it's 'gorgeous' out. I only wore 2 layers, didn't wear my headband or bring gloves. Hello cold!

Contemplating what I should buy for my shoes for outdoor running, yaktrax maybe? Darn near broke my leg last night wiping out on the ice, thankfully it was more of a slide than a fall.

Planning tonights workout, it's going to be a trainer ride. 

Thinking I need to call my dad and stepmother!! They are going to kill me.

Wishing I was feeling more energetic today. 

Afraid I'll never get out of the bathroom from all the water drinking. 

Allison's food for the day wins! 
How do we get her to cook for us everyday?

Laughing at the lunch wars happening at the office.

Searching for my access card for work. I can't get into the office but people keep letting me in, even when I beg them not to. 


Listening to something quiet on my ipod, I've got a teensy headache starting. 

Excited to get a postcard from @pedalmanTO. 

Scheduling an appointment with my chiropractor, I need an adjustment.

Reading blogs using my Flipboard reader (thanks Rodney), it's great except I can't comment. 

Selecting salad ingredients for my lunch today, we are ordering from Freshii.

Hoping it's a quiet day today.

Loving my new Reebok water bottle, it's like an adult sippy cup! Thanks Allison. 

That's all I got!

Questions in my head

I had this incredibly profound blog post half written when I woke up this morning. Seriously, I woke up and was writing it in my head as I drifted in and out of sleep, in between getting up and pressing the snooze button on my alarm. (yes I have to get out of bed to do this and yes I immediately dive right back into bed). I talked about a deep connection to this way of life, can I even call it new anymore? It touched on the layers of training and the layers of clothes and how I hide from life at times and then it moved into the whole 'why I won't have my picture taken' discussion.. Really this was good good stuff.. And then, I wondered..

Does anyone that buys the Magic Bullet *Blender* ever use it for anything else other than protein shakes?

The rest of what was in my head is really just blah blah blah blah blah so with that I'll save you the drama and just wish you good morning and Happy New Year.  I've got a run on the books for me tonight, I'll be happy with 30 minutes. In January I'm going for timed workouts, NOT distance. 

That's all I got (and you should be happy about that)

My bosses lunch.. he's eating the carrot as is!!